i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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