I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
