My liver just broke up with me...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
