a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize