Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
