did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize