He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
