we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He? As in you personified your dick?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
