I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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