hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
