Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have aggressive nipples.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
