Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
