It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
