and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
