Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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