Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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