Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
