nut hugger
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
