I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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