I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
