Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
