the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
