he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
