I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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