so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
