Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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