i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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