I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
