what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
