I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
