im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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