The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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