How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
