id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
