I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
