Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
