do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have grass duct taped all over my body
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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