***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
