I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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