Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
