My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
