Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
