there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
