epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
