She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
