The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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