Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i out mim tonsoeep
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