Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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