pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
