I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
