she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did I show you my penis last night?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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