i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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