Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
