I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I stole a fireplace last night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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