Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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