just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
