She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I love how my cats smell like pot.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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