I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
