I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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