I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
