I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize