My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
