rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
