Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
