i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
