clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
