So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
