FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
