I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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