Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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