windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
