he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
