he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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