everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
