Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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