Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
