There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
