He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
