just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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