one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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