I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
