it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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