you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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