My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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