I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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