guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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