apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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