all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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