he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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