Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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