She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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