hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
