My room smells like vodka and shame
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
