Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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