This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
