Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
His nipple licking is glorious
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