It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
