So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
