I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
