I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
