Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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